Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula


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How the Teachings of Emotional Purity and Courtship Damage Healthy Relationships

The decision to marry someone is so significant; please do not bypass the wisdom of outside counsel before engagement. If you can meet with someone trained to deal with relational problems, you can save yourself a lot of heartache. Furthermore, a good counselor can help save you from marrying the wrong person. Jane had dated Ted for ten months when he brought up their first discussion about marriage. Jane liked Ted but felt unsettled about their future. This comment grabbed her attention. Jane began to reflect over her relationship and noticed that Ted rarely seemed enthusiastic about her interests.

Whenever she asked him to stop by her art class or volunteer together at church, he would made excuses. A relationship with Ted meant that her individuality and interests took a back seat to his. The more Jane pondered, the less she felt comfortable about moving forward. When you consider marriage with someone, ask yourself, Does this person bring out the best in me?

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This question may sound trivial, but its answer will reveal much about the future quality of your relationship. For that reason, you want to find someone who is passionate about investing in your life and vice versa. In healthy relationships, people help each other to flourish. Rather, relational cheerleading is creating an encouraging environment in which another person can safely try new experiences and grow as an individual.

This type of supportive atmosphere fosters intimacy. Before I married Ashley, I never realized how wonderful it was to be with someone who brings out the best in me. Her belief in me goes beyond mere words. Let me give you a firsthand illustration. Writing this book had been a dream of mine for years. Nevertheless, I almost gave up five times while trying to finish the manuscript. The project kept getting bigger than I expected, so I frequently felt overwhelmed. She not only encouraged me when I was frustrated but also got involved by critiquing what I wrote each week.

She sacrificed her time, interests, and desires to invest in the realization of my dream. She helped bring out the best in me. In the same way, I encourage you to honestly assess what kind of influence your boyfriend or girlfriend has upon your life. Does he or she truly care about your growth and maturity?

Does he or she encourage you to meet new people, try new hobbies, and maintain your faith in God? Does he or she have a history of sacrificing time, money, or attention to support you physically and spiritually?

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Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula

Or does he or she simply use you for his or her happiness? Many singles have been demoralized by dating an immature person. Instead, Christ wants singles to spur each other on to grow in love and maturity.


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You can start this process by asking your boyfriend or girlfriend about his or her dreams and goals. What has he or she always wanted to do? In what area could he or she use your support? Determine how you might reasonably help your date achieve his or her desire. Then date each other long enough so that an extended pattern of supportive behavior can emerge.

Remember that dating is a prelude to marriage, and marriage is a commitment to an imperfect person for his or her highest good. Marrying someone who is committed to helping you flourish is a delight. On the other hand, living alone is better than marrying someone who does not deeply care about you. When you are dating, you always have the option to leave if someone acts unreasonably.

In marriage, though, you make a lifelong commitment. Therefore, selecting wisely is imperative, especially when it comes to the issue of leadership. The leader generally determines the maturity level of a relationship, and the best way to discern how someone handles leadership is to observe him or her in dating. The individual who leads during dating usually will lead in marriage. Our culture suggests that anyone who wants to lead must exhibit superior performance to earn the title. If a leader makes too many bad decisions, he or she can be fired and replaced.

Dating with Pure Passion

This definition, however, is not how God determines the leader of a marriage relationship. But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God 1 Corinthians , For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her Ephesians These verses clearly explain how God established the leadership structure for husbands and wives in marriage. His hierarchy reaches beyond the roles of men and women.

Consider the following points:. Jesus and husbands are assigned the positions of leadership. He assigned Christ and men as the leaders, and they choose whether to assume that responsibility properly. God made leadership a simple arrangement.

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Men and women complicate the issue when they refuse to submit to Jesus Christ. By contrast, when men understand the sacrifice Jesus made for them, they are more inclined to respect and follow Him. In turn, Christ can then live His sacrificial love through a husband to his wife. As the wife realizes that both Jesus and her earthly husband desire to give themselves up for her, she more naturally accepts their leadership.


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God says that we are called to subject ourselves to our respective heads regardless of their performance. Observe his or her willingness to lead or submit.

Ladies, does your boyfriend follow Jesus and love you sacrificially? Guys, does your girlfriend follow Jesus and respect your decisions? If not, you may be dating an immature person. When someone is unwilling to try out his or her relational role in dating, he or she will unlikely embrace it in marriage.

Passive or dominating behavior boils down to a lack of faith in the authority of Christ. Besides equating leadership with performance, some singles do not understand what leadership truly involves. How did Christ express love for the church?

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He sacrificed His life so that He could have intimacy with us. In the same manner, God urges men to love their wives sacrificially. Her needs and concerns are supposed to become his focus. In addition, his role includes maintaining an environment of intimacy. This means accepting her, forgiving her, protecting her, and considering her interests as more important than his.

Therefore, ladies, observe whether the man you date behaves in this way. Does he know what is important to you? Does he sacrifice his interests for yours? Is he willing to disagree with you when he believes it is for your benefit? Keep in mind that you cannot lead or submit to someone by relying on your brainpower or self-control. Instead, Jesus wants you to carry out your assigned roles by allowing Him to live His life through you.

In a human relationship, Christ can simultaneously express submission through a woman and leadership through a man. He demonstrated both of these roles years ago on earth as He submitted to His heavenly Father while loving mankind sacrificially. Jesus wants to do the same through you today. Therefore, as you date someone, consider whether you have submitted your relationship to His leadership.

My definition of the word passion does not refer to excitement or sexual lust. Instead, Jesus best defined passion when He innocently died on a cross out of love for you. This brings us to the final question to consider before you get engaged to someone: Are you passionate enough to sacrifice yourselves for each other, knowing full well that both of you are imperfect? Guys, do you feel just as interested in your girlfriend when she removes her makeup? Are you willing to drop your pride and cherish her during her mood swings?

Are you willing to go out of your way to make sure she feels appreciated?

Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula
Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula
Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula
Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula
Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula
Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula
Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula
Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula

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